Death by Baby

One of the most devastating things I have ever dealt with is losing a friend; I don’t mean death although that sucks too. Whenever I have big changes in my life I notice the number of friends I have shrinks drastically. When I got engaged my very best friend  was not happy for me. In fact she stopped returning my phone calls and never wanted to hang out with me. She decided that she could no longer hang out with me because I was not interested in picking up men and staying out all night. Looking back I think our friendship was over a few years prior when I went off to college and she stayed home, but I didn’t know it then, in fact not only did I still think we were best friends I asked her to be my maid of honor. For some reason she agreed and in fact told me she would plan my bridal shower. The only trouble was that she never returned my phone calls so we couldn't plan things for the party or for the wedding. Finally I called her and asked if she wanted another friend of mine to help her out  with the party planning and that threw her over the edge. She ended our friendship right then ( can you imagine the audacity I had asking her if she wanted help I'm such a bitch. I can see why she didn't want to be friends with me) . Less than 2 months before my wedding I needed a new maid of honor who could get things done and quickly. Thankfully another good friend stepped up and my wedding was fantastic. I have spoken to my ex-maid of honor since and frankly I don’t think I’m really missing anything by no longer being friends with her, but it took me years to get to that place. Last time I saw her she was still the same insecure girl I knew in high school trying to get guys to like her by partying and drink and other things I’m sure I don’t want to know about. I tell you this story because I want to illustrate just how dramatically my life changes when I move on to a new stage of life.

Fast forward 5 years to 2009 I got pregnant and had hoped that this time I would not be losing so many friends. Also that I would not lose them in such a dramatic fashion, alas it was not to be. We waited a long time to tell people we were pregnant I don’t think we told any of our friends until I was 18 weeks along. At first all of our friends seemed happy for us and then things started going downhill. One of our friends said she had been trying to get pregnant for 3 years with no success we felt very bad because we had no idea she had been trying. Soon after she started fading from my life slowly at first, with excuses like I’m too busy to hang out or I have a family obligation. This quickly turned into no more contact no matter how hard I tried. I know what you are thinking this is much tamer than what happened the wedding and I say “you’re right but I have more stories that I plan to tell later on in this same blog of more spectacular exits from my life just be patient.” More and more I feel like I’m the titanic as soon as I convince people I’m great and that they want to be my friend my life circumstances change and they go running away from me like I’m a sinking ship. It doesn’t seem to matter much to them if they have a life boat or not they just want to get away from me as quickly as possible. Not long after I had my daughter I went to have lunch with 2 of my girlfriends I hadn’t seen them since just before I got pregnant because they were so busy and family issues. You know how it is when you don’t want to see someone you have the same few excuses that cannot be argued with work, family and prior plans. At lunch things were strained, they had both missed my baby shower for one of the previously stated reasons and neither brought a gift to lunch. Not that I needed gifts just that it’s customary to give them when someone has a baby. Well during the lunch they ignored me completely didn’t ask me about anything that was going on with me it was like I was eating alone. So I got my lunch and I was half way done eating it and they stood up and told me they had to leave, and walked out. I was stuck with the whole bill and have not heard from either of them again. I have gone back and forth wondering if this was because I had a baby of if this was just the fact that they were assholes who didn’t really want to be my friends in the first place. Well I’m just not sure so I’m chalking it up to having a baby.

Don't get pregnant if your not will to lose nearly all your friends.


Mama product of the day:

I love this pillow!! When I came home from the hospital i struggled with nursing. This pillow really helped with placing the baby where she needed to go to nurse. One of the other things I love about this pillow is its flat top. I used another nursing pillow that was round on top and my daughter had a hard time staying on the pillow.