Babes in Toyland

One of the things I never have to worry about is that my daughter won’t want to play with me. She always wants to play or chat (really anything that isn’t sleep, she is up for.).  While I enjoy playing with my daughter I don’t have time to play with her all day every day. I have started trying to get her to play with toys and she will for a few minutes at a time but not very long (about as long as it takes to pee). Something I have noticed is that there really aren’t that many toys made for 4 month old babies that they can actually play with. The same with teething rings, they are so big they can’t even fit in her mouth. How is this effective pain relief? If it doesn’t fit in her mouth they are just ridiculously expensive pieces of plastic.  I feel like toys at this age are really just a huge waste of money. We have bought so many expensive toys that she could care less about. You know what she likes, this stupid little ball. I feel like she likes it, because it’s one of the few things she can actually pick up and put in her mouth. They make baby toys as big as the baby; seriously she has this elephant that is as big as she is. How is she supposed to play with it?  I have no idea how she is supposed to manipulate these things I understand you don’t want babies to have toys that they can choke on, but they should be able to hold them in their hands.  She does seem to like her hands but I just can’t seem to let myself leave her alone with just her hands to entertain her. I absolutely refuse to sit her in front of the TV I’m keeping the TV in my back pocket for when she gets older. If she gets used to watching it now it won’t be so exciting when I let her watch it later. I just wish toy makers would make toys my daughter actually wants to play with.

It takes 2

Why do women think giving birth is the be all to end all?  I carried a child and birthed her.  Granted she did not slide out of my hoo-hoo, it was still a tough thing have her ripped out of me.   Still one of the things I hate to hear is a woman say it’s my child I delivered her.  You never hear a man say that’s my child I provide the sperm to make her, you know why because it’s ridiculous.  Getting pregnant does not entitle you to be a bitch for 9 months.  Sure your husband should take care of the things that get harder for you and be understanding, but a baby should not give you the right to make your husband your slave.  Along the same lines, birthing a child does not give you the soul right to dictate who can see that child and when they can see them (unless your divorced and have a court order).  I don’t’ know why this stuff bothers me so much but every time I hear women using pregnancy or birth as an excuse to treat their husbands like a second rate citizen it makes me so angry.  If you don’t like your husband don’t have a kid with him, heck don’t stay married.  Your relationship will be much improved if you just admit the child and the marriage belongs to both of you.

Proof God is Real

Today’s blog is really like a double feature at the Cineplex.  Although the topics in this double feature are not related in any way, they come to my attention today.  So here goes.  I have proof God is real and I am today going to share it with the world.  Please do brace yourselves, you non-believers and those of you who do believe, please get your smug vindicated faces ready.

Part 1
 Last night before I went to bed I prayed to God and said this,” Lord mentally I’m wiped out I haven’t slept in days.  I’m just not sure we’re all going to make it, if I don’t get some sleep.  My daughter is feeling my anxiety level rise which is stressing her out too please God let us all get a good night sleep.”  Now fast forward to present time as I write this it is 2 am and my daughter has slept calmly for 6 hours.  This is not her longest record, but for the past few weeks she has only been able to sleep for 45 minutes at a time.  Tonight's sleep cycle has clearly been a gift from God to stabilize my mental health.  Thankfully there were no drugs needed (who knows how babies react to Ambien or for that matter sedatives).  So there it is, proof that God is real.  I hear you naysayers but I prayed and something happened that seemed impossible.  So I have to say I’m pretty sure this was God intervening.

Part 2
There is a mom on my birth blog whose child has shaken baby syndrome (evidence points to her husband).  The baby was removed from the home last June and put into foster care.  This woman didn’t know her husband was abusing her daughter and has since filed for divorce.  What I wanted to actually comment on is the fact that the state has still not given this woman her daughter back.  She was shown not to have had anything to do with the abuse and did everything asked of her and still she can’t seem to get her daughter back.  There is no reason this baby should not be returned immediately once the police cleared her.  Within 24 hours, she should have had her baby back.  But no, she still has to go to court and plead with a judge and hope he gives her daughter back. Her lawyer fees are so high that by the time she gets her daughter back she won't be able to pay to take care of her. This to me is appalling, a baby should never been kept from its family for no good reason.

Mommy and Me

After the traumatic experience I had birthing my daughter, I was not really sure I would ever bond with my daughter.  I thought I would magically bond with her and we would be blissfully happy evermore.  Well the reality is that I do love my daughter, but I am really struggling with believing she loves me.  I know that she needs me.  I even think she likes me.  My problem tends to start because I think that she would like anyone who fed her, played with her, and wiped her bum.  I don’t think she actually prefers me over anyone else she knows.   She is not one of those babies that cries the moment she leaves my arms. She doesn’t even really seem to notice as long as someone is holding her. Sophia’s first smile was not at me, it was at my mom. The same goes with holding her arms out to be held, she never does this for me to hold her.  If I’m holding her she will hold her arms out to go to someone else. I feel pretty justified in thinking that my daughter could really care less who takes care of her as long as someone does.

 My husband says this is really just my personality.  That is probably at least partially right.  I am the type of person who just assumes people don’t like me.  Don’t get me wrong it’s not that I don’t like me, I do(I like me a lot I won’t bore you will all my great quality’s but there really are a lot of them.).  I have just never been one to make friends easy.  I think part of the problem is I am mainly indifferent toward large quantities of the population.  It is a rare thing for me to actually like someone genuinely (I am great at pretending to like people. I consider this a good quality.) and want to be their friend.  The people I like, I really like and I tend to be a very loyal friend.  I just don’t seem to make that many friends.  I’m lucky I found a man I liked.  I never actually thought I would get married since I hadn’t met a man I thought I could stand for very long.  Well I got lucky with my husband and I thought somehow that it would be the same with my daughter.  Here we are 4 and half months later and I’m still struggling to believe that my daughter loves me (I keep hearing it will come, she is to little blah, blah, blah. I have to say this sounds like a bunch of crap to me. She is not to little she seems to bond with everyone else.).  

The only consolation I really have is that at this point in time I have the happiest baby I have ever met. The doctor is very impressed she is meeting all her mile stones at age level without them having to be adjusted for her being almost a month early. So I guess all in all I don’t really have anything to complain about if she doesn’t love I guess that’s alright as long as she’s happy then she’s got the best I can give her and that’s my goal. But, I can’t wait until the day I look into her face and feel that she is really truly mine; and that she loves me and knows just how much I love her. I hope that day is not too far off.

Grumpy

Today I think I work up on the wrong side of the bed.  I wasn’t in a bad mood, just feeling grumpy.  I find this strange since my daughter actually managed to sleep a little last night (she hasn’t really done that in 2 weeks).  So I was fairly well rested.  I didn’t even get out of my pajamas until after 8.  Because of my grumpiness I decided I was going to get out of the house,  obviously driving an hour to see my parents is a good idea (my daughter HATES the car).  We were out of the house surprisingly quickly for a trip that was only semi planned.  I had planned to visit this week, but I was thinking Wednesday would be better (I try to do very little on Monday).  The drive was great.  My daughter was awake but playing with her toys the whole time.  That was a miracle!  We get there and still I’m feeling a little off.  I’m just not feeling my usual chipper self (you say bitchy I say not chipper they really are the same if interpreted correctly).  Our visit was great Sophia never naps outside the house and chose to take a nap at my parents.  The drive home was a bit rough, but really not as bad as it could have been.  All in all it was a good day so I have to wonder why the heck I am still feeling so grumpy.  Hopefully tomorrow I will feel much more like myself.  I think I will just blame it on a case of the Monday’s.

Midnight Snack

I hadn’t planned on starting my daughter on solid foods until 6 months.  Recently, I have been feeding her every hour which is getting tedious to say the least.  She doesn’t sleep through the night anymore.  She fusses and cries which doesn’t help me get my sleep (which you know from my previous posts sleep is very important to me.)  In order to retain my sanity, I have decided to try solid foods.  Sophia is a fairly calm baby, needy but calm.  So she tends to put up with my antics pretty easily.  For example, today I thought it would be super funny to lash the dog to her car and see If he could pull her car around the house(it turned out not to actually be funny the dog just sat down and stared at me like I’m nuts.)  Sophia thought it was funny and well it could have been funny.  My dog actually weights less than my daughter which would have made it very funny to have him pull her around.  We have tried banana’s, a week or so ago just for giggles and it was pretty funny.  Absolutely no banana ended up in her mouth.  It did end up on me, the dog and everywhere else.  This incident made us think that we were starting way too early.  We tried again today and it seemed like things went much better.  We tried rice cereal and she seemed to take to it.  I’m hoping it will help keep her from starving so she can sleep again.  Here’s hoping

How to sleep like a man

Someone recently asked me how I was sleeping.  Of course I sleep horrible and have since I got pregnant (not that I slept super before.)  This got me thinking, why the saying is sleep like a baby when in fact my daughter sleeps horribly.  She wakes up all the time. She gets hungry in the middle of the night.  We are lucky on a good day she will sleep 12 hours but on a bad day she may only sleep for 1 hour at a time.  I want to sleep like a man.  I have honestly never met a man who doesn’t sleep well.  You never see men on those sleep aid commercials because advertisers know men do not have trouble sleeping.  I do know at least 12 women who have trouble sleeping.  In fact, I don’t know any women who would tell me they sleep well.  My husband can sleep through A LOT of noise.  Sometimes I make noise just to see how much he can sleep through.  I used toss and turn in bed when I was angry hoping to keep him from sleep, my own version of sleep torture, however for this to work I would have to be sleeping with a women or shooting my bed with and air cannon (neither of which is an option.)  I gave up on sleep torture for just now.  I don’t know how it is possible to sleep so well in any circumstance but if I figure it out I will sell the secret and make millions.  I have a few great test subjects so I’m certain that if anyone can solve this mystery it will be me.

Culture Crisis

On my mommy site today I read a story about an ER doctor who wrote a letter to Obama.  I guess the letter is floating around Facebook, but I hadn’t seen it.  Here is the letter for those of you who haven’t seen it http://www.sodahead.com/united-states/letter-to-obama-from-dr-starner-jones/blog-247997/

I have to say, it really touched a nerve with me.  I agree with the Dr. on many things, but the one I want to write about is how our culture seems to have changed so drastically in the last few generations.  So many parents think it’s some else’s job to take care of their kids and teach them things like manners.  This is not what the public school system is for.  I am often stunned at the lack of respect toward others.  No one seems bothered by someone who is always late.  I had a friend that I constantly had to lie to about the start of things because she was always at least an hour late to everything.  Now that I look back on it she was just rude with no concern about anybody else.  This type of behavior is running rampant in our society when did we become so inconsiderate.  

The whole reason I brought up the rude society was to make this point when we become so callus to other people and their lives is when it becomes okay to live on welfare or lie to get food stamps.  There are people who actually need these programs and it’s horrible to watch those people go without while people like this women the doctor is treating always seem to find a way to take advantage of the system.  More and more I think we should just suspend all social welfare programs for everyone for a year.  So we learn what taking care of ourselves and our neighbors is like again.  So we become a community instead of individuals who are out to screw the man, not caring that the man is your neighbor, your family and all those people you pass on the freeway going to work (if you work and not many people do these days.)  It was not that many years ago that a family in need could come home to see their neighbors had left grocery’s on the porch.  That would never happen now people are too selfish and that to me is a real culture crisis.

Coco Puffs

Life is full of choices my husband and I more or less decided to have a baby.  What I didn’t realize was really how many things that one choice affected.  I recently had to give away my cat Coco.  I loved Coco.  He was a gift from my husband for our first Halloween together.  I have been allergic to him since he got his adult fur.  I refused to give him up and I took as much allergy medication as to I could get my hands on to keep him.  Recently my daughter started showing signs of being allergic to him as well.  She started rubbing her eyes and sneezing every time he was near her.  We have another cat that we wouldn’t mind giving away, but sadly no one would take her but the pound (we just couldn’t do that no matter how bitchy she is) and no one is allergic to her so we really have no reason to get rid of her.  It hurt my heart to think Coco might be causing her as much pain as he caused me (its’ a lot).  In that moment I knew I would do anything necessary to make sure she was happy and healthy, even give up my beloved Coco.  I had fought giving him away for almost 7 years and in that one moment 3 months after my daughter was born I knew he had to move.  It was one of the hardest choices I have ever had to make in my life.  I hand fed him because his mother abandoned him before he was ready to leave her.  He was my companion through the toughest and most exciting times of my life, and one tiny baby came along and somehow became more important than my beloved pet.  I knew I couldn’t just give him away to strangers, so it took me a while to decide what I was going to do.  I asked my mother in law what she thought I should do and to my surprise she said they would take him in and I would still have visitation with him.  My in-laws are very good to me.  I cried when I left him there and they told me to just think of it like he is at college, which made it a little bit easier to leave him.  I know in my heart that they will love him as much as I do.

My tiny Pterodactyl

Not long ago my daughter was a semi silent lump of a baby that did nothing but eat, sleep and poo.  She almost never cried, but she did make some crazy noises that had me saying I gave birth to a baby pterodactyl.  The baby books said she would be cooing, but what the heck does cooing sound like.  We weren’t sure (the books say a lot of things that we aren’t sure what they mean, we live in a constant state of confusion.)  In the last 2 months that has changed dramatically.  She learned to smile which made my heart melt.  She smiled for a while and just when we started wondering if that was the only trick she was ever going to learn her pterodactyl noises started changing into, you guessed it, sounds that actually sounded like coos.  A few weeks ago she started laughing, which is still sort of strange since it sounds more like a scream than a laugh but she is smiling so wide that we just assume it’s a laugh.  She has also started combining sounds and trying to mimic our words.  This is hilarious so we say things just to see if she will mimic them.  One of our favorites is hi, we also work on mommy and daddy but she is not getting those any time soon.  My husband has even made up the goo (she says goo a lot) alphabet which is every letter/sound with goo tacked on the end.  It’s pretty funny to listen to.  I have also started doing things which I’m sure make me sound like I’ve lost more than a few brain cells.  But it makes my daughter and I laugh, so who cares if my neighbors walking by think I’m losing my mind.  She is trying so hard to talk and she just loves it when we talk back to her.  I often wonder if she knows we have no idea what she is saying, or if she thinks we should learn her language. We always tell her this is America you should speak American (for all of you who are cursing me right now that was a joke lighten up. We do say that to her but jokingly, we know its English not American). I am working on just enjoying where she is but I just can’t seem to wait to hear her little voice saying words (she doesn’t need to learn them all just a few, the cute ones).

How did I get here?

Recently I have been thinking about where I was and what my life was like just a few years ago. 10 years ago I graduated high school. Not long after that I was at SDSU living it up with the best roommate ever (we had more fun than I can even remember.) At that point in my life, I had just started working on my dreams. Looking back it’s amazing to see how far my life has come. Little did I know how quickly things would change. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to be when I grew up, which led me on a path of discovery to where I am now (not really much further career wise, but I do have a degree in accounting that I use now and then.) I decided that after 2 years of college I wasn’t any surer about the future than I had been when I started. So I decided not to go back until I knew what I was going to do with my life. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do with my career, but that is unfolding every day. I do know that I finished school (I have been eyeing the MBA/ Law degree program at UCI) and had a baby, 2 of the things on my bucket list. I still can’t believe that we had a baby. I still feel like I’m 21 and shouldn’t have a baby. I look at my daughter every day thinking what twit let me take home a baby. I’m young and still very irresponsible. My husband and I still like to spend weekends doing nothing, and then wonder why our house is a mess on Monday and we have no clean clothes for the week. Let’s hope we get better at pretending were adults before our daughter actually remembers the things we do. Looking back I feel like my life was leading right up to this moment and I can’t wait to see where things are going from here.



Mama Product of the Day:



I told myself I would never pay more than $50.00 for a pair of jeans, I was wrong. Since I have found NYDJ I have decided that paying more for jeans I look great in is worth it. I love these jeans they flatter me everywhere. My behind has never looked so good in jeans and they also flatten the tummy. There are a few different styles so try them on to find the one that fits best.

Shots

I took my daughter to the doctor yesterday for her 4 month well baby check up. I knew that she was going to get shots. :-( I know she didn’t realize it as we drove to the office but I did and I just wanted to turn around and go home, but I knew they would just call if we didn’t show up and make me feel like a bad mom so off we went. The pediatrician’s office is the best doctor’s office I have ever been to. They are all nice, never crowded and it’s always a very short wait to see the doctor. I’m wondering why more doctors offices are not like that. Anyhow we are in the waiting room and I’m holding her hoping there is a hospital emergency and the doctor has to go, but no never an emergency when I want one. We go into the room. I take all of her clothes off, they put her on the scale and all the other stuff they do. Then in walks the doctor and she just has that look like she knows she’s going to say something I don’t like( she knows I don’t approve of vaccines this early). So she tells me she wants everyone in my whole family and all our friends to make sure they get a flu shot. Is she kidding? I’m so against the flu shot. It’s not even funny. I have never had the flu and no one in my family has ever had the flu. My husband’s family is allergic to the vaccine. She looks at me as though I’ve sprouted another head and says well then your daughter will have to get the flu shot as soon as she turns 6 months. I say well I don’t plan on giving it to her because she doesn’t need it and on comes the lecture, about how she is going to get so sick and I’m going to be sorry (how much do doctors get paid to say this stuff.) All of this to say I can’t believe how much stuff we pump into our children’s tiny bodies at such a young age. I refused all of her vaccines until she was older so I know she is running behind but in my opinion her body was just too small to deal with all that stuff being pumped into her. I think we have gone way overboard with the vaccines. We don’t need a chickenpox one and a flu one. Pretty soon our immune systems are going to be so weak a cut could kill us. It’s ridiculous. Why can’t we wait until they are older and stronger? I also find it ironic that we do them so young, when I got older they tested my immunity to many of the vaccines I had had as child and found that most of them I was no longer immune to most so I had to get all my baby shots over again at 25. Babies are put through a lot. Thank God they don’t remember the crap we do to them.




Mama Product of the day

I just love True Blood so reading these books is a great way for me to unwind after a long day taking care of my daughter. They are a fun easy read and the author does a great job of immersing you into the world she creates.

Google my new Nemesis

The Google motto for those of you who don’t know is “Don't Be Evil" just thought that was ironic. Also interesting to note, is that the 6th point of the 10 point corporate philosophy of Google which says, "You can make money without doing evil.” But it’s much easier to make money by being evil just ask Bernie Madoff.

I should state first and foremost I hate being taken advantage of it makes me madder than almost anything else. When I started this blog I did it for 2 reasons the first because I like to talk and staying home with my daughter I don’t get to talk to many people, so I decided to write down what I was thinking about and share it with all of cyberspace (this way I can pretend everyone who reads my blog is a close and personal friend, I know its delusional but I don’t get out much.) The second reason came a bit later and it was to make some cash, granted not a lot of cash but some, so I don’t feel like I’m wasting my time writing this blog. I’m going to be honest my blog took off like a shot I didn’t expect things to start going so well for a few months but they did and I was ecstatic. Picture it, it’s Monday afternoon and I’m having a great day going to go out shopping and spend all that money I’ve made off my blog ( yeah I know it’s not in my account yet but it’s coming I just got my code in the mail and things are going great). As I’m walking out the door my phone dings indicating I have a new email. I’m curious although I’m thinking it’s just spam, but I get excited when my phone makes noise so I check. This is where things go downhill and quick. It’s an email from Google stating that I’ve been banned. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was so careful to follow all of the rules and there are a lot of rules. Even when I was curious about the ads on my page I never clicked them. I was floored that I got banned (not only did they ban me, they stole all the money I had made) I re-read all the rules and have no idea why I was banned. I hate that they don’t have to tell you why you got banned. They can just say we think you did something wrong so we shut you down. The conspiracy theorist in me says it’s a racket and they never planned to pay for my advertising. I’m really hoping this is not the case. I emailed them and have yet to hear back, but my guess is this is standard procedure for them and they have no intentions of paying for the advertising I gave them. I will keep you posted on what happens, but at this point my new view of Google is much lower than it was before. Which sucks since I used to be super pro Google down to my android phone? Hopefully Google with restore my faith in them but I’m not holding my breath. Let’s hope my next post isn’t saying I had to switch over to Apple. I hate Apple. Apparently Google’s motto no longer stands or if so it’s some bastardized version of it.

Daddy's View

So after talking to my husband it seems that men take this whole baby thing very differently than women. Men tell each other all the horrible things that will happen in apparently very vivid detail. As I said in my earlier posts I think the women in my life left an awful lot out when telling me what having a baby is really like. So I compiled the top ten tidbits from the males in my husband’s life.

1. You will not sleep for at least year. I’m guessing that this is going to be longer for me. Not only am I a light sleeper but I’m also full of anxiety. I’m thinking it might be 18-20 years before I get another good night sleep.

2. You will never again leave the house and if you do you will need a U-haul to take all your kids stuff with you.

3. Kids are very expensive it cost us 5000 dollars to have our daughter and that is just the tip of the iceberg.

4. When babies are born they have four states Eat, Sleep, Poo, and Drool. Yep this is true our daughter does them all. Although the older she gets the more she ads to her arsenal which makes her a lot more fun to have.

5. Babies spend Lots of time screaming. This one we have not actually experience our daughter is chatty but almost never makes loud noises. Thank God we hate loud noises. We hate loud noises so much, before we bought our house, we tried to buy one in a retirement community because they would be quiet and never bother us.

6. Everything is about baby. This is true babies steal the spotlight but that’s okay I get a lot of credit for making an adorable baby.

7. You will never have hobbies again. All the parents I know have their own hobbies and now and then ignore their children to pursue them. Even now we throw the baby in her swing and play video games (it’s not like she will remember.)

8. They will grow up and move out, only to move home again. This is actually true. The only person I know who has never moved back in with their parents after moving out again is my husband. Although we always tell his parents we are moving in with them one day very soon. They have a much larger house than we do and it is always stocked with food and drink, also they have a private pool which we like. So look out in-laws this weekend might be the weekend we show up with all of our stuff.

9. They steal your stuff. One of my husband’s friends has 3 kids and every one of them steals his stuff. I’m not always sure they even want his stuff, they just like pushing his buttons.

10. You have a lot less sex. This I also heard a lot and I think this is a personal choice. So many women I talked to decided once they got pregnant they would stop having sex with their husbands and still have not gone back. This seems to differ greatly from couple to couple.

Can you imagine if women said these things to other women. I certainly cannot. But this is the reality of my life now although the number ten is moving back up since we are sleeping better. My husband works with many men who now have teenagers so we hear many horror stories and are dreading the teenage years.



Daddy product of the day:

One of the things we do most now that we have a baby is take photos of EVERYTHING so this comes in handy. This card is high speed which allows you get more pictures fast!

PNY Professional 16 GB Class 10 Hi-Speed SDHC 20MB/s 133x Flash Memory Card P-SDH16G10-XLR133-EF (Black)

I miss sleep!!!

When I had my daughter I was in the hospital for 3 nights, I thought I didn’t sleep well because every 2 hours the nurses would come in to check on us. Then we came home and I found that my daughter wouldn’t sleep in her cradle or in any of her beds. The first few days, she would only sleep if we were holding her. As she got older she would sleep, if we were next to her. This was exhausting. I’m not a great sleeper to start with and babies are loud sleepers. When she first came home her breathing was erratic, which is apparently normal but still very scary. As time went on we came up with a system where one of us would stay with her, to keep her quiet and sleeping while the other would try to get some much needed sleep. This was tough on our relationship we were missing the connection we shared before we had our daughter. We finally decided there had to be a better way. Not long after, we bought a baby swing and it has been a God send. We put her in it and for the first time she slept without laying on us. It was heaven. She started sleeping much better and we started feeling married again. Since then we have moved her into her own room and even into her crib. My daughter sleeps 8 to 12 hours a night and I’m still struggling to sleep. I’m a very light sleeper and she still makes a lot noise and even though she is in her room I can still hear her. My husband works really hard to make sure I get enough sleep but I’m still struggling with it. I can’t wait until I can get a full night of sleep. I really miss sleeping.

Mommy Police

Mommy Police: Why are you letting your baby sleep in her swing; it’s not good for her.

Me: What do you care, she’s my baby and I need to sleep too.

Mommy Police: Well I would never let my baby do that you’re never going to get her to sleep in her bed.

As this conversation is happening mommy police’s child bites another child and steals her toy. This seems to happen to me all the time. Someone who has a horrible child wants to tell me what I’m doing wrong with mine. I have one thing to say to all of these moms that think I’m doing such a bad job, I may be doing a bad job but you have a horrible child and mine is sweet.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that attending to my daughter immediately will make her spoiled. I just don’t care if she’s spoiled I can’t stand to hear a baby cry. If I ruin her that’s really my business. I have to deal with it. I always want to tell these women not to worry, I have bail money set aside for when my daughter does the unthinkable. Mind your own business and I won’t mock you when your child turns our horribly. Okay, I really will mock you but maybe not to your face.