Road to Mommyland

Here is the start of my blogging journey I hope you enjoy it as much as I plan to :-)

In May I gave birth to my daughter Sophia Ann, becoming a mom is the strangest thing I have ever done. When I got pregnant I thought I would have the perfect birth. I would go into the hospital wearing makeup (which I never wear) with perfectly done hair. I would have and easy labor like the ones you see on TV that last like 24 minutes and end up with a baby that looks like an angle from a Raffaello Sanzio painting. However the reality of what happened was very very different. 3 and half weeks before I was supposed to have my daughter I went in for the final fetal scan only to find out I had extremely low water. My doctor sent me to the hospital right away for a c-section. I was very scared I have never had surgery before in my life, or been under anesthesia. Less than an hour after walking into the OR I had my little baby girl. I thought they would put her next to me and we would bond immediately in reality the staff didn't let me see her at all. I was so sad they took her and cleaned her and then sent her to recovery I didn't go into recovery for another 10 minutes. The ten minutes I had to wait for them to sew me up were so long I thought they would never finish. When I got into the recovery room I discovered that they were training a new nurse so they did all the procedures on her twice it was almost an hour before I was actually allowed to hold my daughter I was so frustrated and so was she. Finally I got to hold her it wasn't quite what I expected, no trumpets sounded, no light shown down from the heavens, I could hardly even see her in all the blankets she was wrapped up in. It was like I gave birth to the linens section at Macy’s. I still sometimes feel cheated although my recovery was super quick( I was up and about 6 hours after surgery) and I have a beautiful healthy daughter, I often feel like I haven't quite bonded with her the way I would have if I had pushed her out. I am still struggling to get over my disappointment however everyday I feel like the bond I have with my tiny baby gets stronger.